Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
