Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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