Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
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I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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