I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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