he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize