The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
