Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
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To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
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I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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