He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
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I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
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LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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