So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
