It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
