I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
