...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
