just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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