it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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