4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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