so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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