Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
