she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
