my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
