He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
