Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
