You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
