I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
