Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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