wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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