fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize