forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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