Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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