i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
