So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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