I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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