Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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