hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
