I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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