Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
