What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
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If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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