I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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