..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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