My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
