You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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