i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
