i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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