So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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