it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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