turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
