Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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