My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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