just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
