Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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