Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
