Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
