We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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