so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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