I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
