Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
