Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
