evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
