I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
