My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
