i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
