I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
