You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
