i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
