I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
