I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
