literally had 100 drinks last night.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
