Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
