i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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