So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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