There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
