I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize