I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
