So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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