I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
